do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
