WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
