I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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