No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
