Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
