i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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