yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
