I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
