When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
