I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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