I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
