How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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