just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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