What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Say something about gay babies.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
It all started with a game of naked twister.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
