i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
