I like my sex mixed with concussions.
one might say we're banned from that church
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
