This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
