I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Randomize
