we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
