Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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