Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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