Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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