After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
