so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
