I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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