i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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