I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
