Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
