Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Randomize
