Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
