I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
from now on my penis is your penis
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
