just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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