My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Sext me about skeletons
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
