We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
