i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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