So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
