hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
