so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
