fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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