Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
