I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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