I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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