I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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