I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
