Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
