Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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