My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
