i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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