There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
