If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
even my farts smell like vagina
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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